January 9, 2024
The Magic in Tidying Up
Our 85th birthdays have forced upon Sara and myself the recognition that we might indeed be having to move in the relatively near future, say four to five years, to a smaller space, though one false step on side walk or path, one slip on any one of the throw rugs we should not have throughout the house, one unfortunate encounter with the cat might push that date forward considerably.
We have both begun the task of sorting through the masses of paper we have accumulated through the years, papers that we want to be the ones to manage the disposal of.
There is no magic to be found in the act itself. It is hard, often painful work. The magic lies in discovering memories, manifestations of the self, shards of past connections.
Among the papers I have discovered in my cleaning thus far is a letter from my father, dated February, 1976. At the time, I had a cat named Jujo. I had also just been denied tenure by the University at Albany and was in the process of appealing to the Chancellor for a reversal of that decision.
My father sent me a clipping from the wall street journal with the title “Jujo Paper Co. to Raise Newsprint Prices by 13%.” His letter begins, “I thought that you might be interested in knowing that your cat owns a paper mill in Japan and that she is raising the price of newsprint in April. You might explain to her that this makes it difficult for those of us who like to read newspapers and books to afford them and might ultimately affect her food options if she raises the prices too high.”
He ends his letter with the following encouragement: “don’t worry too much about tenure. If you don’t get it you should go to law school and become a trial lawyer. You would win every trial. I have never been able to win an argument with you or change your opinion on anything and if you can do that to me you can do it in a courtroom. We will pay your way.”
Had I not ultimately been granted tenure, I would no doubt have taken his advice.
Equally interesting to me is the draft of a commencement address that I was approached to give but that ultimately never materialized. It summarized what I had learned from 60 odd years of living. I ended up sending a version of it to Sonya and Emma somewhat later.
Reading it over, the advice still rings true – for myself as well as others, younger or older. So here’s my current version of the graduation speech that never happened.
First, the body. It is not, alas, rental property. You are in it for the long haul. Therefore it behooves you to take care of your body in every way you can starting as early as you can. To do this, you need to be in tune with your body, paying attention to what is going on and figuring out what works best for you to keep it functioning.
Walk as much as you can every day and keep as much motion of as many different kinds in your day as you can. Above all, don’t just sit there. But equally important, don’t overdo it to the point of injury. The older you get, the longer it takes to recover from such excesses. The gym can be your friend, but it can also be your downfall.
Second, the place. It is important to be in a physical location that gives you joy, lifts your spirits, makes you feel at home in the world. You may have to make sacrifices to obtain this goal but do so. It is worth it. The value of 24/7 spatial well-being cannot be overstated. You may need a city, you may need the sea, you may need a farm – find out what it is you need and go live there. The same dictum applies to offices and to houses/apartments. Obviously, achieving this goal may not be easy, may not even be possible at times given other necessities, but keep hold of your goal as something to work towards. The cost of living in an alien space is very high, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Third, the social. Make at least one good friend at every stage of your life, and then hold fast to these friends through all the changes that may come upon you. Make this connection a priority in terms of time invested and energy committed. Phone, write, visit. Nothing sweetens life more than the presence of a long-time best friend (or friends, should you be so lucky as to have more than one). These are the folks we go through life with, share history with. Remember the line from that old camp song: “Make new friends but keep the old/One is silver and the other gold.” Be sure to preserve the gold in your life.
Fourth, the spiritual. While I am a Quaker, I am not here to promote that path over others. What I am here to witness is the importance of attending to one’s spiritual self. This can be difficult because much of the world operates on principles that are the opposite of spirit-centered: furious speed, endless “it’s complicated,” endless competition, self-aggrandizement, lying and cheating when it is to one’s advantage. Spiritual development requires slowing down, simplifying, helping others, maintaining integrity.
For women, it is often difficult to sort out what is genuine spiritual practice from what is merely sexist socialization. If I honor stillness, is that because I have been deprived of my voice? If I am compassionate, is that because as a woman I am expected to be other-directed? If I choose simplicity, will I be read as simple-minded?
Despite all difficulties, attend to your soul. Although there is no one path for such attending, it is essential to choose a single path and follow it. Little can be gained from dipping into Buddhism or trying out Quakerism. The paths all end up in the same place anyway: keep your room clean, be nice to your sister, write thank you notes.
Categories